i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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