His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
