i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
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