Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
