last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
