Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
