Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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