Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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