Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
