lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize