remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
we made out on top of his cat.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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