I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize