someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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