Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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