I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
