i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He shit in the fireplace
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
