I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
