Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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