i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
