You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
