i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
