Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Life is so much better after having sex.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize