I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So. Much. Porn.
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