Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
