Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
