It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
