I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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