I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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