It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I want her autograph on my taint
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
