Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
