That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
