That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
