Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
