my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
