My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
