So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
