my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
