Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize