Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
