His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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