operation harelip BJ is a go
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
