the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
