why didn't you poke me back
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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