So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
