uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
