It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
