3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
