you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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