I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
