Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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