i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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