Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
there is glitter all over my balls
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
