4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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