Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
