are you still at the devil's house?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
