Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
