Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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