Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
