When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
