dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize