i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
