After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm at about main and main street
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize