did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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