Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Me too!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
