My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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