I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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