What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
