soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
