I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
