well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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