but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize