no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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