yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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