Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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