Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
