You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
