I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
