im gay
i know
yea but for you.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
