the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize