You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
