:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
