he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
