Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
