Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize