Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The beer is more important than you right now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
