I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
